I felt alone many times in my life until I discovered that Lord Krishna has always been with me and He loves me completely
. He has always been my true benefactor and shelter , it took me very long to realize this. Had I known this earlier, I would not have to go through the bouts of loneliness that I felt deep within my heart. Rather in the awareness of His comforting presence as the Supersoul within my heart, I would have been blissful. Better Late than never. Coming to the path of Bhakti – The path of eternal love I learned that Krishna has never abandoned me.
He says in the Bhagavad Gita verse 14.4 ” He is the Father of all living entities” and in verse 15.15, He says “I am seated in everyone’s heart”. Being the father He fully loves all His children even if some children like me had forgotten that He is my real father. And by always accompanying me wherever I went- He is my true friend.
He was there with me in all my previous births and has accompanied me even in the body I currently reside in. There were times I felt lonely and disconnected in spite of being surrounded by many people and having many well wishers. I would feel lonely in difficult times, in spite of having the support of well meaning friends and relatives. During the good times and moments of personal happiness I felt lonely in spite of having many dear and close friends to celebrate with.I felt frustrated with such feelings and did not understand why in spite of having loving parents , loving brothers and sisters , a loving husband and many true relationships why I felt lonely.
Feel your loneliness deeply
However over time I came to appreciate the loneliness I felt. Instead of trying to drown away my feelings of loneliness , I learned how to deeply feel them , know them and also really feel how terrible it felt being lonely. That reminds me of a poem by Hafiz:
Don’t surrender your loneliness so quickly.
Let it cut more deep.
Let it ferment and season you
As few human or even divine ingredients can.
Something missing in my heart tonight
Has made my eyes so soft,
My voice so tender,
My need of God
Every time I allowed my loneliness to cut me deep, the way Hafiz has said- it allowed me to explore how even in happy moments with everything and everyone going for me, the loneliness was still there and none of the things of the world could fill it. Learning how to deeply feel my loneliness, how bottomless it felt and how much I did not like feeling lonely-it made me stronger in my search for the real thing, the thing that could fill that bottomless pit. It was a silent search , an non-verbal continuous search in my head that I wasn’t even aware of. When I read about Lord Krishna that He is seated in everyone’s heart and He is the father of all living entities and He never leaves us even for a moment, I was immediately attracted to Him. It made me feel peaceful. I felt like a person who saw an oasis after being thirsty for so long.
The God shaped void in our heart
Feelings of loneliness drives people to drugs, anger and alcohol so that they can numb those feelings. A woman maybe surrounded by her children, parents, in laws, husband and still feel lonely and unloved. The loneliness is actually a God shaped void in our heart.It can only be filled by the presence of Lord Krishna and not by the things of this world. Bodily relationships, satisfaction from mundane material achievement and all other things satisfy the wants of our various bodily designations, but do not satisfy the need of the soul.
The 7th verse of the siksastakam says:
yugayitam nimesena caksusa pravsiyatam
sunyayitam jagat sarvam govinda virehena me
O Govinda! Feeling Your separations I am considering a moment to be like twelve years or more. Tears are flowing from my eyes like torrents of rain, and I am feeling all vacant in the world in Your absence.